BP has separated again. All good though - the Pandas are keeping it alive Pale faced or black face - Panda = Panda. Hooty hoo.. Panda come in all shapes and sizes.
And sexualities. My dick can't fit down the chim-in-ney Your dick look like a kid from the Philippine . . or at least co-op city.
Biggup to Soohyen French for letting Artners invade this week. You know I did those dishes. Yo MotW represent.. hell yeah.
My girl Jenny from the block was around the way, up do some new tricks (some ole'ones too). Trying to break the records in Sex and the City Style, she came out like a trooper in the end. And although The Delta debacle was unfortunate, it gave us some unexpected time to hang with Leona and Aleealee. Good times. Not as good as these Panda days, but...
... those Cry Panda tear days are hard to beat.
Back to being the porter in CO, Artner must be crying those tears again. It's ok though, Panda will rise and the maids will unite. Dammit, it'll be Voltron again if it kills me. There's alot of wrestlemania, computer class with Leona, Alee(hooker)alee, and jew bear time to be had. It'll be a shonda if it don't. Serious.
On the next MoTW: Tune in to see how artners tear it up old school styles at the Berlin wall. Ich bin schwul. Sind Sie Kommunist?
Kim Jong Il to be precise... wtf? And to top it off, I found this ad on ichatgay.com. I suppose the marketing folk think that gays who show their dicks online are the also nationalistic koreans that make their own kim chi. damn. at least they're not maids of the world.
1. So, I went to see the SEX movie Friday night. Lincoln Center, midnight show - Premiere night. In Artner's words, "Damn, is this Star Wars for girls?!". The movie theater was that packed. Packed with all kinds of Carrie's mind you, not strictly the types you'd expect to find in New JAP City. Yellow, brown, Puerto Rican, and Asian - all the Carrie wannbes came out en masse to witness this over-the-top, 2.25 hour long fashion show with a thread of a plot line thrown in to appease studio execs. I know that Im being harsh, and that SEX is as much about the fashion as it is about people, but really, the movie was alot of fluff, high drama, and not enough sex. It's interesting when you think about its status as a modern day fairy tale and the ways in which it re-affirms some age old myths and the ways in which it debunks others (the old spinster is not always a pejorative). If you're going to see, it, make sure to go durin the day. This is perhaps my only bit of advice. Seeing it at nite will make you ask Carrie, "Damn, are you dont with being so self absorbed?!. Oh Carrie...
Addendum to #1.
What is up with Carrie having a slave?
St. Louise from St. Louis might be from Missouri (Jennifer Hudson's character), but she sure did sound like a mammy from the antebellum South. And don't think that it's OK to have a southern mammy in the shape of a buxomy girl from the mid-west if just because you're paying them off with imported handbags from the new world.. Oh Sarah-Jessica...
Addendum to #1 (2).
Ladies, and I'm talking to you Ladies prancing around the theater thinking that it was a club... be sure to take it easy on the pre-movie cosmos. The movie was not in Imax, nor was it 3D. Puking in the theater is not a cute move. Not cute.
2. What is the gayest show on Broadway right now? I found myself asking this question thinking that I had found it in the middle of Legally Blonde, the musical on Saturday night.
For sure it is the Biggest, Gayest, show out there right now. Well, maybe not bigger than Gypsy. All the queens love that Lupone woman. Does that make me any less off a queen? Nahh...
Legally Blonde was the cutest musical I've seen EVER! While it took a couple of detours away from the movie, it remained pretty faithful. The translation was big fun to watch - and all the singing and dancing - Hilarious! What was more (or less, depending on how you look at it) hilarious was being busted with stolen cocktails from the Olive Garden across the street from the theater. Getting caught in the theater with stolen cocktails is not a cute move. Not cute. Oh me...
You love her / you hate her / you love to hate her.. whatever. She's still making good pop music with collaborators nearly half her age. "Give It 2 Me" is one of my faves from the album and I can't wait to see the visuals in music video form. These shots from the video are not what I was thinking necessarily. Let's see if the magic of the Williams-Richie collabo can carry it's way onto the TRL circuit (Oh god TRL...)
"You are working with the Falcon, and he's working for the Nazis..."
Furilthow?
So, when I was a little boy I used to run around with a lasso. I remember lassoing things, people and animals alike with such gay glee. Seeing their over-achieving, queer son running around trying to get the truth out of tormented hamsters and cats must've put my parents over the edge. At the very least it strengthened their denial of my impending shit-packerness. "My kid, a homo? Don't be ricockulous" Years and years later, I'm now swinging my manly lasso at more worthwhile prey (sorry pussy). Btw, when are they going to make Wonder Woman the movie? Seems like several stars have been approached (allegedly including body touchee Mariah Carey), but the script hasn't gotten off the ground. I'm saying though, if Iron Man can take off and land looking like a total queen on Mimosa Sunday, then we can get a real wonderous woman on the big screen. 100% - Bo-na-fide. I'll be at the premiere, lasso in tow. Don't say I didn't warn you's.
FACT: Robbie likes coke, heroin, and .357 Magnums.
FICTION: That fucking suit. FAGGOTRY: He's so not my type, my RD Jr. killed that performance in Iron Man as the arrogant, yet brilliant, Tony Stark. The the salt and pepper these days make him extra hot. AND he's a jew...fuggetaboutit. I'd like some of his iron in my man.
I wonder where the legions of Madonna wanna-bes are today... are their titties still tied in a knot over the golden girl, or have they retired their lace.. depends... is the name of their pampers, for sure.
and this time i m going to see her in NYC. I haven t gotten my tickets for the "Sticky and Sweet tour", but I'm definitely going to get some. The last time (and only other time) i saw her I was in Japan and it was a major rush. I love this new album and cannot wait to see the golden girl (omg did I just invent Madge's new moniker?!? you heard it here first kids) perform her classics, "Like a (used) Virgin", "Justify my Love(ly Medicare)", and "Vogue (is better than W magazine on the potty)". It's going to be a blast of good ole' fashioned, botox, cat lady fun. I love Madonna!
omg - I'm taking on the challenge of remodeling daddy's apartment (bio-daddy - not wrestlemania daddy). it's going to be a tough challenge, but I'm up for it. A friend sent me a picture of this shower curtain that he's thinking of getting. Should I work it out too? ooh.
So, it was brought to my attention a while back from the Glitteress that NINJA is the place to be for a little drama a flair in your sush/sash combo. I have yet to go, but I'm definitely intrigued.
Even more recently, an opera mate of mine(s) tipped me off on some secret language that they use at the restaurant. Apparently when they want to say "Chow Chow" as they would in Japanese to say "You're mistaken", they opt for the more urban "Ninja Please". That said, now I HAVE to go!
The 2 for 1:
Remember this classic from the Chris Rock show? Ninja please...
So I went dancing at Splash this evening. It was totally impromptu. I've been feeling the need to shaky my butt from time to time recently. This time I just hopped in to take a pee and found myself at a party with The Lady Bunny on the 1's and 2's.
It was a total disco affair and too much fun!!! I danced my ass off for over 2 hours. Lots of classics (but of course), one of my favorites being "Push Push in the Bush" - or whatever the song is titled. I spun, twirled, stomped and shouted. Oh shoot - it was like Black PANDA had gone disco queen. I also turned it out to "Bad Gurrl" with some bad chocolate queen hottie. Yes, call the herz, cuz it's murder out here.
Are sunday tea parties my new thing? go my od. Is it like THAT?!
This screen grab does not reflect the views or opinions of your faggy author. interestingly enough, it s the first link on google with "theater fag" as the seach.
am I this (kind of) gay?
Last night I hung out with some work folks from the opera. The usual fare - post-office drinks, gallavanting, and show tunes. show tunes? what are those ? lol.
since arriving at the opera i have become more and more aware of the theater fag species of fagdom. or, to put it more succinctly, i have become aware of the ways in which i'm not part of this brand of queer. sure, i love madge. siriano is a hootin' tranny. pink is my favoritest color of all time. but when it comes to crowding around a bar and singing classics of musical theater, well... i just fall off. not that im averse to it in any way. i guess i just grew up with different interests. like lightsabers and daddys.
If show tunes are your thing, go check out Marie's Crisis. Sing your heart out and tell them the opera sent ya...
So I know this little chinese girl - such a fucking fag hag. She loves some queer. She pointed me to this unforseen 6th episode of Planet Unicorn a long time ago, but since I'm too busy deuteronomying it up at the opera, i haven t had a moment to blahg about it. do watch it, though. please. it s a for sure crowd pleaser. the reindeer are HOT HOT HOT too. omg.
I love HARD CANDY, the new Madonna album- surprise surprise. "Give It To Me" is one of my faves on the album. It will be the second single and the second video. Here's a little clip of Madge cleaning up on the set. Go Madge - work it out...
And not the 2 for 1:
Click here to watch Madonna appeal to the young, black demo on BET. Go Madge a maima - serve!
well, not really, but might as well have. I mean, this guy had kids, a 'tude, and a stache. conveniencing daddy had never been so much fun.. nor such a nightmare.
him: put it on daddy... me: mm hmmm
and it s not that it was so bad (not to be confused with being fab, either), but his rough edges weren t a match for my smooth behind. what can I say, some things are better left to fantasy. Or perhaps I just didn't bed the right daddy, daddy...
funny how artner and I are paralleling in our hulkasex. I mean, she dreamt about it and I fucking had it. weird? sometimes she does things that only I can dream of, though. Like that golf ball trick. weirder? the parallel phenomenons abound across the states. what will happen next? will I wind up in fresh dialogue(s) with some hot euro trash guy up my butt (some of artner's dreams) oh shoot. prolly not. one things for sure, however, with my record, the older the dialogue, the fresher my butt looks.
It's called "The MEN Event. com, The Main Site for Gay Events in NYC", and I'm the poster boy. Or one of the poster boys, just to be fair.
What's up with that? Is it because I'm bubbly and effervescent? Scandalous and Salacious? Odious and Odorific? Is it because I'm tranny panties? Nah... I think its just that I'm a faggot. That sounds right.
If you visit the site, you'll see pictures from a recent event that took place at the Opera called Boy's Night Out. On that particularly gay evening at the opera, not that the opera isn't usually queer to the bones, fags were treated to a little mixer before a glittering gay viewing of "Candide". A smashing success, Boy's Night Out brought together some 75 gay men behind velvet ropes with nothing more than brownies, wine, and conversation. I made some new friends and the event and was also able to seduce some men into buying our Candide souvenir shirt. It was Tré Gay. What, however, turned out to be tré-est gayest, was my picture which turned up on the MEN Event site the next day. But then again, who was I kidding. As Artner, said (in not so sanitary terms), my face was asking for it in that picture. What is hilarious is that I made their banner as well. I mean, I'm giving face double time here. SERVE!!!
So there I was hanging with my two fave fags watching a movie that lived up to it's name, Notes On A Scandal. If you haven't seen it, you must. In addition to being scandalous, sexy, and homoerotic, it's quite the vocabulary booster. You better work Dame Judi, WORK! You odious darling you...
Such a psycho dyke, Dame Judi's character makes you wonder about how many frighteningly lonely closet cases are out there in the world. I feel like I pass plenty of them each day going back and forth, home work home etc. Kinda scary really. Why can't we all just be the hootin' trannies we're born to be? I swear, there can be a genre called "Psycho-Closeted Tranny Panty Movies" to cover the theme of closet cases gone wild. Think The Talented Mr. Ripley, or American Beauty. These movies probe into that version of homo psychoses that I find fascinating. It's just sad that art imitates life way too frequently. Oh well, I guess the hootin' tranny prestige is only for a select few....
So, I have not updated my this blahg for a hot minute. Sorry trannies, I've been busy with the Opera...more on that later.
Now that I've found some time to blah blah, I'm here to tell you that I love me some boys. But, the astute reader you are, you prolly know all about that. You prolly know more that you want to know. You know I'm all TMI out here, but that's why you love me. Or entertain me, at the very least. That and my smokin' ass. But I digress.
Yes, since the tender age of 7 when I had my first dream of being naked with a hot bear teacher of mine (omg it was me in my pre-pubescent state with all that fur - yum), I have been aware of my faggotries. And I love it. I do. I wouldn't have it any other way. But, here I must state my beef with boys. Boys Lie. It's a fact. And that is a harsh reality that we, shit-packers and females alike, must contend with in our never-ending love for penis possessors allover.
Do I lie? I suppose I do. I used to lie less frequently, however. I used to be really moralistic in my decision making processes. I used to think about how my shading of the truth would affect others. Those were the days. Now, though, I'm less weary about coloring information (or discoloring, if you will) to meet my ends. I don't know. Boys lie, and I suppose men do too. Belch.
What irks me about the most about the BOYS LYING Phenom is that I don't understand why they lie when in the end we're just trying to get some. Aren't we? Perhaps there's a breakdown of communication, maybe someone misinterpreted some signal. But, dudes... I'm ready to hit that. So no more games. No more lies. Can't we just be civilized homos and handle that??!!? I'm saying though. I mean, I'm over that commitment thing (at least for now - thanks gnome...), so let's stop with the lies and have a good time. What do you say?
Note: the above photo features our new do's from Commune Salon in Brooknahn. Shout outs to Kazue and Nobu for making us look Japanese, when we're really Filipino. Maybe she's born with it... Maybe it Maybelline
Last Friday I attended my first opera by the NYC Opera company, a rendition of Puccini's Madama Butterfly. A tale of a clash of cultures, it made me feel like I had parallel universed that when I relocated to Japan. Although I wasn't lucky enough to go by the name of Butterfly, or Cho Cho san, I'm quite happy with the results of my fine geisha training. In the end I was able to don a kimono, sing karaoke, and use a fude to draw beautiful hiragana script. See for yourself.
But I digress. Seeing Madama Butterfly was a fabulous experience. Although I am not a huge opera fan, for obvious reasons I had been wanting to experience this opera for a while now. I remember when Minghella's production of the opera made tides at the Met.
The costumes and sets and innovation made me more interested in the opera itself. But, alas, I was still in Japan at that time completing my own geisha training and I had to miss it.
While it wasn't the Minghella vision, the NYC Opera version was still beautifully sung - even if the sets weren't spectacular. Watching Cho Cho san's ideals and identity clash with Pinkerton's reminded me of being with the mama san in Kyoto and the difficulty of adapting to a tradition that was so steeped in Nihon, or Japan, but was totally foreign to me, an outside geisha. Nostalgia overcame me as the first act came to a close and the lights in the house came up for intermission. Then the clash of cultures happened again, so unexpectedly in real life. •º•º || •º•º.
Tucked way in the middle of the orchestra, Diva and I had to brush past a good few people to exit at intermission. After finally spilling out into the end of the row, Diva told me about the snobby comments about out behinds.
Diva: Did you hear that?!
Me: No, what happened?
Diva: Someone said, "How rude these people are giving us their backs as they exit!" I cannot believe these purao!
In all my experience of exiting crowded aisles, I have always thought it best to give someone your butt and not your crotch. But apparently that is my geisha training in effect. And as for "these people", I have no clue what that meant. Did this guy think it was and interactive version of Madama Butterfly and we were his demure human property? Was that my Pinkerton? Maybe he thought this shit was Mr. and Ms. Saigon. Cats? I'm not sure, but he for sure thought that "these people" should be giving him the decency of crotching him when coming and going. And so I did when I went in. Each and every one, just so they knew I could play the snob games too. This ain't interactive opera folks. I ain't goin out like that.
Bao - suddenly my crotch was in errone's face. Sorry old lady in seat K12. I swear that was just water on my pants.
The moral of the story: Always walk with your ass to the back and your crotch in people's faces so as to not be confused with suicidal Prima Donnas. I'm sure Puccini did it just like that.
I got the gout, again. My first bad flare up in a few years has robbed me of my weekend plans to go for the gold in Wollman Rink and to fierce it up with Nobu in Commune. Just plain sux and leaves me feeling a bit like this broad.
then queens on blades are the bestest. Never into football or baseball as a kid, I usually tuned in to figure skating to derive the inspiration that other boys got from other, contact sports. Brian Boitano's costume, grace, and cold fierceness in this performance was enough to get him a gold medal, beating out Brian Orser in the '88 Olympics. Years later, BB's blades still serve as inspiration. Often times when wondering if it's going to be a top or bottom night, I just ask, what would Brian Boitano do?
Deuteronomy Madrid is one of the many personalities of your beloved, queer author. The moniker of "Deuteronomy" (the fifth book of The Bible) was adopted because of the author's fascination and respect for Jewish males all over. DM's family includes such notables as Bleekah-Madison Madrid, Niimura Katsutoshi, Yuko Propaganda, and Lexicon Reyes. He has worked for the Fergie, the Dutchess of York, not the humpy hip-hopstress, and is credited as the cover designer for her fabulous diet book, Energy Breakthrough.
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